Homeless People

 
Although a major epidemic the world over, the first homeless person actually chose to leave his apartment and sleep outside.  The man, when questioned why he was sleeping on a bench outside, replied “I like yelling random things at people without consequences.  For instance, the other day I saw an attractive woman and started barking [...]

The First Baby’s Birth

As the legend states, babies were in fact delivered by storks. Whenever a couple wanted to add another member to their family, they put in a request with the storks, and a baby arrived at their doorstep the next day.
 
Then Dick Cheney killed all the storks. 
 
 
 
 
People had to start having sex in order to [...]

The High Five

Before the high five, human beings did not have any means of celebrating events as diverse as the completion of a long day of dragging a woman by her hair, the beheading of a king, or the successful humiliation of the nerd in your class, through physical contact with one of his or her [...]

The Beer Bong

Knocking a few cold, alcoholic beverages back has always been a popular way to unwind after a long day or week. However, when a few just wasn’t enough, and a person was looking to change their perception for a few hours, there was no good way to quickly accomplish this goal.
It used to take at [...]

The line: “It’s not you, it’s me….”

Ending a relationship is often an awkward, down-right disagreeable situation. However, before the fateful night when Bob Jenkins broke up with Molly O’Brien, ending a relationship was a truly difficult experience.
Before Bob, it was always clear that it was the person’s fault who was getting dumped. There was obviously some deficiency in the ‘dumpee’- bad [...]

The Internet

Although the Internet has completely revolutionized daily life by making businesses more profitable, linking people that were once worlds apart, and drastically improving humanity’s ability to transfer information quickly and cheaply, it came from very modest beginnings. The internet began because one man wanted an easier way to look at porn.

Sin

 
 SIN
 
Although the common notion is that sin entered the world when Adam and Eve ate from the sacred tree in Eden, this in fact was not the first sin.  Indeed, the first sin was committed by Bobby Simpson in 2004 when the 22 year old chose to reject his girlfriend’s advances because “she was too drunk [...]

Office Jobs

As the former head of a brutal dictatorship, the perpetuator of numerous atrocities, and the murderer of thousands of people, it stands to reason that an evil man like Saddam Hussein invented office jobs.  Much is known of the hardships that the Iraqi people endured during Saddam’s reign, but it is a little known fact that he was [...]

The Booty Call

The first ever recorded booty call was placed by Paul Revere, yes that Paul Revere, the evening of his eventful ride.  As Mr. Revere was galloping through the countryside, announcing the arrival of the British, he passed by one of his “ho’s houses.”  Knowing that she was “always itching for it like Martha Washington” Mr. [...]