Firemen

Consciously running into a fire to try and put it out isn’t something that most people consider a fun activity, much less a job. 

Thank God for Davy Crockett. Mr. Crockett, American patriot, pioneer, and coonskin cap wearer was the first fireman. It all went down on that fateful day when Mr. Crockett was three years old. You see, Davy killed a bear, like the song says, but he didn’t do it on purpose. In fact, it was a horrific experience for him as he was also the first member of PETA.

After he realized what he had done, Mr. Crockett went into a crazed state, he started speaking in tongues, drooling and running around yelling “horseradish is the shiz, horseradish is the shiz.” Obviously not right in the mind, Mr. Crockett went over to his boy’s crib and asked him for the peace pipe. His boy, Running Unibrow, recognized the sad state that Davy was in and did not want to waste the smoothest “Seminole shit” he had ever tried on someone so crazy.

A struggle soon ensued, the pipe was dropped, and Unibrow’s teepee was soon ablaze. Snapping out of his sad state, Davy yelled “Unibrow, grab your loincloth and let’s get out of here.” When Unibrow refused to leave without first finding his lucky buffalo balls, Davy knocked him out and carried him to safety while humming the now famous fireman anthem “it’s raining men, hallelujah, it’s raining men.”